#adoptee thoughts

[red-envelopes]

isn't it so bizarre how most of adoption just falls on you, as the adoptee, to try and figure out what it has done to you, how to deal with it. neither adoptive nor birth families seem to really understand it and expect you, as the adoptee, to be the one to magically put things together like a jigsaw, it find all the pieces and force yourself into one space or the other and magically expect you to fit. and it's all entirely 100% up to you, like that family here won't help you and family there won't either. they won't understand it. it's all entirely up to yourself.

this thing has happened to you and it's your problem trying to fit it together, it's your job to make it make sense. it's your fault that this happened to you and you have to meld it in together. this happened to you and you have to live with it. what the hell lol

[oliveptee]

"But I'm adopted and I think the term found family is okay for adoptees and their families!!"

I'm not going to get into the fact of the definition and meaning of the trope doesn't involve any traditional family roles but

I think it's infinitly easier to NOT refer to all adoptees/adoption as "found family" as many outside of myself have expressed that is a dehumanizing, objectifying, romantizing of trauma term but it's objectivly better to NOT use the term unless you are adopted yourself and use it on your family instead of.. Ya know invalidating other adoptees and their families..

Idk man I think adoptees and their families are more than some romantized fictional trope that's primarily used for DND like characters!

using it on yourself and your family if your adopted is not the same as calling all adoption found family

[valengory1234]

I don’t want children, but I know that if I ever had them I would never let the cry it out, and I would work everyday to make sure they felt loved

[kenmakaminari]

One thing I really REALLY hate about the current abortion vs adoption debate (I am extremely pro-choice btw) is that people are speaking about adoption like it’s just a solution to minor problems.

Adoption is a HUGE life-altering thing for both the new parent(s) AND the child being adopted. But people seem to only be talking about the adults involved and not the children.

The children who are being stripped away from everything they’ve ever known and being placed with strangers. And I’m not even going to get into what that involves for older kids right now, I’m only speaking about babies.

—

For the first 6 months of their lives babies fully believe that they are an extension of their mother. Their mother walking out of the room can feel like the equivalent of a severed limb.

But people will still prefer for a baby to be born and figuratively amputated, rather than have an unwillingly pregnant person remove a non-sentient clump of cells from their bodies?

—

Adoption is a long, hard, and painful process for everybody involved. The newborn can be removed from their bio-parent’s custody before the umbilical cord is even clipped, but still not be in permanent custody of their new parents until they are a year old.

Imagine spending the first year of your life being passed around different strangers houses. How difficult would it be to form attachments? How would that affect learning how to speak? How to walk?

How would you be able to learn the basics of infant and toddler-hood, such as “mama” and “dada” if you don’t even have one? A baby’s entire sense of self is tied to their parents, does this meant that a baby with no parents doesn’t even have that?

But of course, that is still better than removing a clump of non-sentient cells from a person’s body, right?

—

No matter how or when it happens, adoption is a TRAUMA, not an answer. It is a wonderful thing for many children, who need better support than they have been dealt from their biological families. But bringing a child into the world for the soul purpose of placing them into foster care is cruel.

Adoption does not exist to ease your religious guilt against abortion.

Adoption does not exist to place a band-aid over another person’s infertility trauma.

Adoption does NOT exist to heal adults.

Adoption is for the CHILDREN.

The children who need help. The children who need a safe home to grow. The children who need THEIR trauma to be top priority. Not yours.

People need to stop using adoption as an alternative to abortion. Adoption involves real living children, not the non-sentient clump of cells that are removed during abortion.

Children, who deserve more out of life than to be used as a ‘gotcha’ in political arguments that shouldn’t even need to exist in the first place.

[rahnesinclair]

About to become a Norah defender on main because fandom can’t handle teenagers being stupid idiots as is developmentally appropriate.

[domiej]

“Do I look like him”

NO! DO I LOOK LIKE THEM?

Do I have my mothers face? Or my fathers?

Did my late brother take my face or did I take my mothers?

Who’s eyes do I have?

Who do I smile like?

Do I laugh like my mother? Or do I walk like my father?

Did I inherit my mothers anger? Do I carry my fathers anxiety or is it the other way around?

Why do I look like this? Who do I look like? Why are my eyebrows thick? Why are my lips two different colors? Why do I have a spot on the right side of my face? WHERE ARE THESE BEAUTY MARKS COMING FROM?

I get invoked with rage when I see girls who mirror their mothers beauty. “Who do you get your looks from”

“I look like my mommy”.

Something so small yet so human, you probably don’t think twice about, is something that kills me every single day

Who do I look like?!

The only desire I have to have children is to know what my face looks like on someone else’s. What do my eyes look like when they are pointed back at me? Are they beautiful? Are they sad? Do they sparkle? That’s selfish right? That’s all I’ve ever wanted though so maybe my daughter will understand.

What I would do to look into my mothers eyes and see they are the same as mine, maybe loving myself would be easier

Maybe I wouldn’t avoid my reflection in the mirror

[intermediatewannabe]

Best Burned Thoughts: Branded in My Mind

After years, another thing to write/blog about. I was going to post on Ao3 but technically journaling/self reflection isn’t allowed there. It was cute for the .5 seconds I had stuff up though. So I shall start it here…

I guess I’ll link the different media pieces here as a table of contents as well.

Pieces:

The Start (Poetry)

The Hope of Something New (Poetry)

The Mask that Regrew (Poetry)

First Love (Poetry)

Boundaries (Poetry)

The Breakup (Prose)

Growing Pain Delay (Poetry)

To Have Had and To Hold (Poetry)

Bittersweet but Oh So Bitter (Poetry)

The Tug of War (Poetry)

Us vs Them (Poetry)

What He Taught Me (Other)

Dear [First Love] (Prose/Other)

[red-envelopes]

reunion/meeting/re-meeting/getting to know your birth family is not smooth at all and I wish that non adoptees knew this and could hold more understanding and empathy for us who are trying our best to navigate this situation when all the barriers are stacked against you

it's not smooth like you see in the media, in your films and your games, and I wish that people could take their time to understand how different and difficult and easy and smooth and heartbreaking and simple and complicated it can be for so many of us.

please don't take your information for granted

[whoisthisguyandwhyishehere]

I have to say, I absolutely despise the way Puss In Boots: The Last Wish handles the topic of adoption. Basically, saying to erase the desire or longing for the lost, biological family and ,instead, be eternally grateful to the adoptive family. Not a fan.

[may-or-may-not-be-me]

*spiderman pointing meme*

Me, wasian: thinking my friend, who is visibly part asian but has a white last name, was wasian like me

My friend, 100% Chinese transracial adoptee: thinking I, who to her looks 100% Korean but has a white last name, was a transracial adoptee like her

[swagging-back-to]

lying to a kid about if theyre adopted should be classified as abuse and no j am not joking

[gloombby]

adoption is so crazy cuz wym u can buy a kid

[succstosucculent]

I don’t look like anyone. What I mean by this is when I look in the mirror I see me, which, yeah, good, but what does ‘me’ look like? Older relatives casually comment on how they look in the mirror and they see their mom, or their sister. I don’t know who I see. I look like no one.

Which might make it easier to see myself in everyone. (Well, admittedly almost everyone -I know who I don’t look like, if you know what I mean.) If you go throughout life with a picture of yourself in your mind that not only mismatches how you look on the outside, but is a barely defined picture at best, you tend to see yourself in everybody. This opens up the opportunity for curiosity, for questioning, for talking to and trying to understand a wide range of peoples, and for empathy. Near limitless empathy. Cause when you don’t look like anybody, you tend to see yourself in everybody.

[bleeditoutx]

"I think what I miss most is the period of time in my life when I felt loved."

-Thoughts on Childhood

[closetcasefabray]

just come home, even though the world is burning…

– jonny sun

[red-envelopes]

i know family planning is a hard topic and can be controversial, how one chooses to grow their family is a contentious topic, and often politicised for some reason, but people saying "I know that you can JUST adopt" whenever bad news comes out regarding family planning is so :/// bad feeling, you know.

or "you can always just adopt instead of doing X"

or "oh you cant do XY now! just adopt!"

or "dont' do that! that's bad! just adopt!!!"

or "it's not the end of the world. just choose adoption"

or even "just adopt!!!"

yes, let's just choose adoption. as if it's not grueling and heartbreaking for everyone involved lol let's just adopt, let's just choose this. sure you know adoption is just SO easy to do! sure you know adoption is JUST so simple, you can even hand back the child if you don't want them anymore lol. just so easy. just adopt.

the flippant way adoption is banded around is so upsetting sometimes. did you ever think about us as the adoptees? the ones who it affects the most?

i guess not!